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Getting
Help in Heaven
On their way to get married, a young couple are involved in a fatal car accident. The couple find themselves
sitting outside the Pearly Gates waiting for St. Peter to process them into Heaven. While waiting, they begin to wonder: Could
they possibly get married in Heaven?
When St. Peter showsup, they asked him. St. Peter says, "I don't know. This is the first time anyone has asked.
Let me go find out," and he leaves. The couple sat and waited for an answer. . . . . .for a couple of months.
While they
waited, they discussed that IF they were allowed to get married in Heaven, SHOULD they get married, what with the eternal
aspect of it all. "What if it doesn't work?" they wondered, "Are we stuck together FOREVER?"
After yet another month, St. Peter finally returns, looking somewhat bedraggled. "Yes," he informs the couple,
"you CAN get married in Heaven.
"Great!" said the couple, "but we were just wondering,what if things don't work out? Could we also get a divorce
in
Heaven?"
St. Peter, red-faced with anger, slams his clipboard onto the ground. "What's wrong?" asked the frightened couple.
"OH, COME ON!!" St. Peter shouts, "It took me three months to find a canon lawyer up here! Do you have ANY idea how long it'll
take me to find a regular lawyer?
Thanks to Juanita Cantu
Fat Theology
And God populated the earth with broccoli and cauliflower and spinach, green and yellow vegetable
of all kinds, so Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives.
And Satan created fast food chains. And fast food chains brought forth the 99-cent double-cheeseburger.
And Satan said to Man, "You want fries with that?"
And Man said, "Super size them." And Man gained pounds.
And God created the healthful yogurt, that woman might keep her figure that man found so fair. And
Satan brought forth chocolate. And woman gained pounds.
And God said, "Try my crispy fresh salad."
And Satan brought forth ice cream. And woman gained pounds.
And God said, "I have sent your heart healthy vegetables and olive oil with which to cook them."
And Satan brought forth chicken-fried steak so big it needed its own platter. And Man gained pounds
and his bad cholesterol went through the roof.
And God brought forth running shoes and Man resolved to lose those extra pounds.
And Satan brought forth cable TV with remote control so Man would not have to toil to change channels
between ESPN and ESPN2. And Man gained pounds.
And God said, "You're running up the score, Devil."
And God brought forth the potato, a vegetable naturally low in fat and brimming with nutrition.
And Satan peeled off the healthful skin and sliced the starchy center into chips and deep-fat fried
them. And he created sour cream dip.
And Man clutched his remote control and ate the potato chips swaddled in cholesterol. And Satan saw
and said, "It is good." And Man went into cardiac arrest.
And God sighed and created quadruple bypass surgery. And Satan created HMOs.
Contributed by Yadhira Lozano and Marco Gallina
Jonah and the Whale
A little girl in class was telling her teacher about whales. Her teacher said it was
physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because, even though it was a very large mammal, its throat was very
small.
The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.
Irritated, the teacher reiterated that
a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.
The little girl said, "When I get to heaven, I will
ask Jonah."
Becoming more irritated, her teacher then asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?"
The little girl
answered, "Then you ask him
Contributed by Fray Arturo Ocampo, OFM
A good sense of humor, smiles and laughter are all gifts from God. God did not create life to be taken to seriously; that
only produces ulcres. Christians are made not for ulcers, but for a full and joyful life. So what are you waiting for? Show
us those pearly whites and smile God loves you.
El buen humor, el poder sonreir y reir son regalitos de nuestro Dios. La vida no siempre se puede tomar con demasiada seriedad,
ya que te tal manera solo se consiguen ulceras. Nosotros los Cristianos estamos llamados no a ha ulceras sino mas bien
a una vida completa y alegre. Que esperas para ser feliz?, "pela los dientes" como dicen los mexicanos y sonrie
que Dios te ama.
Il buon umore, il poter sorridere e ridere sono regali divini. Dio non ha fatto la vita per essere pressa con troppa serieta`.
Cosi si trovano solo ulceri e noi cristiani siamo fatti per una vita piena e lieta. Quindi, cosa aspetti per essere felice?
Mostra quei dentonni al mondo e sorridi che Dio ti ama.
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